Kid Icarus Uprising

*Turn on 3DS*

*Enter download code cheaply and probably illegally acquired from GTZ*

*Wait forever while game downloads*

*Downloads seize up the system, can't do anything while a download happens. So I play on the Vita*

*Eat dinner*

*Discover myself*

Me: Oh good, the download's done.

*Boot Kid Icarus*

*Turn on 3D*

*Vomit*

*Turn off 3D*

Game: Welcome to Kid Icarus!

Me: Thanks, I've been eager to try thi...

Game: Here's the tutorial, portrayed in anime-like still frames!

Me: Alright, I guess. I heard there was decent combat in...

Game: First, use the circle pad to fly around.

Me: Got it.

Game: Next, use the L button to fire.

Me: Oooookay, but why the L button. That makes me do every action with my left hand so far. While my right hand has nothing to do bu.... Oh...... Sweet Joseph No... Please No! NO NO NO...

Game: ...TO AIM, USE THE STYLUS AND SWIPE THE TOUCH SCREEN...

ME: FUUUU(*&^ S()*&)* G)(*&)D)*(&UJB)&* F(*& F()*&. Seriously F)*(& )*(&)ing S*()&)&*^.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
...

..
.

..
*3 hours later. I'm found in a parking lot. The 3DS has been destroyed beyond recognition. I'm bleeding profusely from my nose, and shards of glasses free 3d screen are embedded into my cranial shell.*